insecurity?

I seem to be quite tempermental. One day I'll feel like everythings under control, my mind has a positive spin on every situation, I'll feel secure...with my decisions...placement etc and I'll be resting in God's graces. Then the next day can be totally contrary. I'll be doubting why Im at this university...in this program...I'll feel insecure about who I am...doubting God's promises for me, feel very introverted...like i want to hide away from the world, feel the weight of my sinful nature and jus have this really crappy moody feeling. Whats wrong with me? Aiii...I feel like I'm like that for everything. At work...one day I'll be like the best employee ever..the next...i'll be so lazy and unmotivated. Man i need consistancy! I really gotta focus on devotions more. This is the thing that'll keep me on track...re-align myself w/ my creator....man I understand ups and downs in the Christian walk...but like...varying daily?! Maybe thats just the way I am....

My heart still pains from the past. Its nearly been 2 years since my heart was crushed and it still seems like Im still picking up the pieces. Everyone tells me it takes time....and I guess they're right...in due time...things just fade away and are forgotten. Too bad I have a very good memory when it comes to these things. I can't even decifer what I'm feeling right now. A bit of anger...fustration...jealousy...bitterness....saddness....guilt...insecurity....you name it. I wish I was stronger...more secure...less emotional...aiii...i wish so bad. People dont understand how it still affects me now...that the news of that someone liking another person can still hurt so much. I can't give them an answer...I wish things were different....but they're not....and by asking why this happend is saying that I can run this world better than God can. It was the first time I truly opened myself up to someone...and well i guess it was the first time I felt rejection...felt the sting of being let go. Man I tried so hard...gave it my all....sounds cheesy...but it was true. As a guy its a tough pill to swollow; that your best wasnt good enough. And thats why I take all those "boys are stupid throw rocks at them" goods so personally cuz it hurts me. Its like thats what I get for trying my hardest...for giving my heart. I get "boys are stupid"....gee thanks. All girls have these "dreams or visions" of what the true ideal guy is..."the one"...."their love"...with all these standards attached to them...I understand girls being insecure abt themselves b/c of the label media puts on woman...and well thats out of my control...but for guys...man the burden to meet all these standards is so heavy. Im just human! You know what u'll get?...my best...thats all I can guarentee you...but i guess it doesnt seem to be enough...