Well I just came back from a weekend up in K-town w/ some church friends. It was very fun and it was really cool to see the Queens campus. Mannn...its such a beautiful university...w/ the same cobble stone/lime stone finish on all the buildings. Just walking around on the campus you can kinda sense the heritage and prestige...heh. Man Terry's res is like a hotel...dang man...its awesome...queen size bed...private washroom. AND then theres Goodes Hall. The business building......man...made me want to be a commie in Queens. I dunno...for me...the first things that goes through my head when I'm on a different campus is "How would I feel if I was here?" "What would be different?" I admit I really would of liked to go to Queens...but I'd also of liked to of gone to Laurier too :P . But you know what? "The grass is always greener on the other side". Where ever I go.....the other uni will always seem better. Such is life right? I gotta learn to enjoy my time in Guelph...its tough considering business is unknown here....and buildings are soo ugly and profs are so bad....but some how....gotta see the beauty.
It was Terry's b-day today...and man...is he one popular guy on campus. Everyone came up to him to wish him happy b-day. I dont think he's ever gone through life being kinda invisible or forgotten. Im happy for him though...seems to be really enjoying himself there and make a lot of connections. I guess a part of me wants that popularity...that love...that affection from others. I think everyone deep down inside craves and desires to be loved and considered significant. This is ironic cuz its during a time where I feel quite alone...quite lost...and I feel like no one cares about me. One thing I know though. Even hope in people dissapoint...not to put down good friends....but humans are human. Only God alone can satisfy. After hearing Ravi Zacahrais speak on the Guelph campus....it helped me refocus a bit. His topic was "What Gives Life Meaning". He pointed out 4 key elements: wonder, truth, love, security. Man that was a wake up call for me. I realized that my wonder for and of God had somewhat faded away. His truth in my life has been watered down and unrealized....leading to my lack of experiencing His love and security...
Monday, January 31, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
the choices we make
Man..down in the dumps. Just finished all my coverletter writing for last night. Already got rejected from 2 positions....hows that for a deflator. One of them was a great job too...BMO. On top of that my friend got an interview and he sent me his coverletter and the first sentence had a grammatical error in it. Plus it was so "laxly" put together it seems....mannn....I honestly feel like I wont get a job. From all this my confidence has really taken a beating today. On top of that...1 person shows up to my small group today...I know 2 other ppl had circumstances....but man...what ironic timing.....what am I doing wrong?....I feel like such a failure....like im not leading this group properly.....no one seems motivated to come.....aiiiii
You know today I really was thinking about how things would be different if I went to Laurier. People that are close to me know that it always seems to be on my mind...but like....today I was practically dreaming. I guess it was triggered by all the circumstances that were happening in my life.....the struggles w/ my co-op jobs (and the realization that co-op in guelph aint that great), the fact that I'm not learning anything in my courses (ppl say its all about attititude...but for the past 2 years I've tried really hard...its not like i've given up and said screw it...i've put time and effort into the courses i've taken to really really try to learn...I feel my marks so that...but knowledge wise...its not really there) and finally I guess its been dragged on for a long time...but sometimes i feel like me and stace would still be good friends if I went to laurier. I wouldnt be in her face so much that'd I'd be a hinderence to her. Oh how I wish soooo much I could change some of my past decisions. I feel like I've made sooo many mistakes already....I honestly feel like I've dug myself in a hole coming to guelph...that my future is shaky cuz of this decision. Co-op is really weighing me down...like its become such a burden. I want a good job sooooooo bad...that I feel like God wont give it to me....cuz I want it that bad. I dunno why I have that mentality. I guess im scared...fustrated...worried...and angry all at once.
You know today I really was thinking about how things would be different if I went to Laurier. People that are close to me know that it always seems to be on my mind...but like....today I was practically dreaming. I guess it was triggered by all the circumstances that were happening in my life.....the struggles w/ my co-op jobs (and the realization that co-op in guelph aint that great), the fact that I'm not learning anything in my courses (ppl say its all about attititude...but for the past 2 years I've tried really hard...its not like i've given up and said screw it...i've put time and effort into the courses i've taken to really really try to learn...I feel my marks so that...but knowledge wise...its not really there) and finally I guess its been dragged on for a long time...but sometimes i feel like me and stace would still be good friends if I went to laurier. I wouldnt be in her face so much that'd I'd be a hinderence to her. Oh how I wish soooo much I could change some of my past decisions. I feel like I've made sooo many mistakes already....I honestly feel like I've dug myself in a hole coming to guelph...that my future is shaky cuz of this decision. Co-op is really weighing me down...like its become such a burden. I want a good job sooooooo bad...that I feel like God wont give it to me....cuz I want it that bad. I dunno why I have that mentality. I guess im scared...fustrated...worried...and angry all at once.
Monday, January 24, 2005
back in guelph
Well I'm back in G-town now....and was greeted by a wonderful online accounting quiz which i did bad on....GREAT!...that would be 2 in a row...kinda pissed right now....*breathe stretch shake...let it go*
Sorta weighed down by a couple of things right now...my lack of organization goin into this semester...i seems like i lost the ability to prioritize and "sense" how much work I have and hence feel a sense of urgency....but right now...everything seems to be ho hum...when its not...that cannot be a good thing. My spritual life is also quite shoddy...quite cold. I guess I need to learn discipline. I guess I feel very weighed down with the fact that I talk a lot...but dont seem to live up to those standards I speak of. Aiii....such a hyprocite. Leading bible studies and small group I tend to talk a lot....but I'm not backing this talk up in the way I live my life. A part of me wants to stop leading stuff cuz I feel my life is not in order right now...but I know that if God used only the people with their life in order and were strong and perfect...He'd have no servents at all...heh. Does that mean I'm justified to keep on living the way I do?...definiately not. At the beginning of this school year I had this whole notion on being silent before God...let my words be few...stop blabbing on about my problems to Him...cuz He already knew about them. I would just take 5-10 min to reflect on how great our God is...His amazing grace and love. That would keep me focused on the reverence and majesty He deserved from me. I realized that I have lost that silence. I continue to clutter it up w/ peoples voices...events...games...etc. Gotta start that up again....
Man...I feel like I'm the most selfish person in the world. Everything I think about or do always tries to serve ME ME ME. For example...when I'm trying to grow in my walk I have this motive in the back of my head thinking how more people will respect me that way. Man thats quite sad...and I'm sure God is quite displeased. I crave so much attention, respect and praise....I just want to be loved...liked...popular. So self absorbed. But Christ calls us to be the total opposite...but I feel that this selfishness and self serving mentality is born in me...a part of me...who I really am. However, after watching 722 I realized who I am is who God desires me to be. I am His child...I need to undergo a spiritual rebirth and get His genes...genes that say I'm no longer captive by my sinful nature...I am FREE....
Sorta weighed down by a couple of things right now...my lack of organization goin into this semester...i seems like i lost the ability to prioritize and "sense" how much work I have and hence feel a sense of urgency....but right now...everything seems to be ho hum...when its not...that cannot be a good thing. My spritual life is also quite shoddy...quite cold. I guess I need to learn discipline. I guess I feel very weighed down with the fact that I talk a lot...but dont seem to live up to those standards I speak of. Aiii....such a hyprocite. Leading bible studies and small group I tend to talk a lot....but I'm not backing this talk up in the way I live my life. A part of me wants to stop leading stuff cuz I feel my life is not in order right now...but I know that if God used only the people with their life in order and were strong and perfect...He'd have no servents at all...heh. Does that mean I'm justified to keep on living the way I do?...definiately not. At the beginning of this school year I had this whole notion on being silent before God...let my words be few...stop blabbing on about my problems to Him...cuz He already knew about them. I would just take 5-10 min to reflect on how great our God is...His amazing grace and love. That would keep me focused on the reverence and majesty He deserved from me. I realized that I have lost that silence. I continue to clutter it up w/ peoples voices...events...games...etc. Gotta start that up again....
Man...I feel like I'm the most selfish person in the world. Everything I think about or do always tries to serve ME ME ME. For example...when I'm trying to grow in my walk I have this motive in the back of my head thinking how more people will respect me that way. Man thats quite sad...and I'm sure God is quite displeased. I crave so much attention, respect and praise....I just want to be loved...liked...popular. So self absorbed. But Christ calls us to be the total opposite...but I feel that this selfishness and self serving mentality is born in me...a part of me...who I really am. However, after watching 722 I realized who I am is who God desires me to be. I am His child...I need to undergo a spiritual rebirth and get His genes...genes that say I'm no longer captive by my sinful nature...I am FREE....
Thursday, January 20, 2005
in a slump
Man...i should be sleeping now....Im so pissed off at myself. I just cant back into the swing of things. Im disorganized...im behind....and im not fit >_<. ARGH not a good start to my semester...gotta keep that deans list goin! Gotta find myself right now...im still too consumed w/ my struggle w/ my emotions towards someone...man....im such a loser...she probably thinks im a loser too. *slap slap slap* "Get your act together!" BAHHH....need to motivate myself in devotion first...then the studying and work ethic will come...i know it. Mannnn....not too many jobs for coop....im starting to think I wont get a job for my term....oh well if that happens just gotta trust and have faith. God's in control of my life....in the end He's the one that writes my paycheck.
I guess I realized something. Shes probably already forgotten about me. Seriously...well I moop around...shes feeling good and having a good time. She talked to me on monday...first thing she said..."oh I have your router"...hi to you too..hehe. I guess that response shows her that its not even a grain of sand in her mind. I am such a retard. Well this is probably better for her. Now she wont have to deal w/ me...and in the back of her mind she's probably thinking....not missing anything...with that frienship gone.....no seriously. Shes got a real good frienship base already. I've seen her get real troubled over relational problems....not even that...just the fact that some ppl wont attend an event....that really shows she cares for them. I guess I have my answer.
I guess I realized something. Shes probably already forgotten about me. Seriously...well I moop around...shes feeling good and having a good time. She talked to me on monday...first thing she said..."oh I have your router"...hi to you too..hehe. I guess that response shows her that its not even a grain of sand in her mind. I am such a retard. Well this is probably better for her. Now she wont have to deal w/ me...and in the back of her mind she's probably thinking....not missing anything...with that frienship gone.....no seriously. Shes got a real good frienship base already. I've seen her get real troubled over relational problems....not even that...just the fact that some ppl wont attend an event....that really shows she cares for them. I guess I have my answer.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"
- Todd Fields (722 worship leader)
- Todd Fields (722 worship leader)
Nothing but the Blood
Matt Redman
Chorus:
What can wash away our sins?
What can make us whole again?
Nothing but the blood
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can wash as pure as snow?
Welcomed as the friends of God?
Nothing but Your blood
Nothing but Your blood, King Jesus
Saturday, January 15, 2005
held captive by my emotions
Well Im at my friends house right now...kind of taking a break from all the mahjong playing...hehe. I let the smallest things get the best of me always...always letting them effect me and hurt me...while for normal ppl it would probably mean nothing to them. Aiii...why am I the way I am? Just seeing someones name saying "[in loo]" hurts...cuz I kno that person is visiting someone...jealousy?...yea i guess so. Why am I like that? I wish I could be blind to these things...numb to my feelings...dammit!...so fustrated at myself. I guess a part of me wants her to feel bad or sad for me...but thats not going to change anything....such a selfish thought....i really gotta start seeing situations from outside my view point. Shes happy w/ the person she likes now...I should be happy...if not happy then at least accept it and move on. God has told me so many times to move on and I didnt listen....so the state I'm in now is purly my fault. I'm captive by my own emotions. Im a kinda person that thinks a lot and looks deeper than most...and i guess that can be a curse sometimes. I want to tell her that I'm sorry for everything...for the grumpyness...saddness...everything....her life would be better if i wasnt in it...therefore maybe I should just do that. I know that this will trouble me a lot longer than it will her....but I kinda deserve that feeling...she doesnt. By not being friends...she'll forget about everything in like 2 weeks....and she'll forget I ever existed in like 4 weeks. But me? I know it'll wrench my heart for much longer...I know that I'll be thinking about the situation way after...while she moves on...but thats ok....I've dragged enough crap into her life. I need to prevent that from happening again. I really want to be friends...but its a struggle...cuz then i'd just be a friend hiding behind the image of a friend...while deeply I'd want to be more....such is life...
Friday, January 14, 2005
insecurity?
I seem to be quite tempermental. One day I'll feel like everythings under control, my mind has a positive spin on every situation, I'll feel secure...with my decisions...placement etc and I'll be resting in God's graces. Then the next day can be totally contrary. I'll be doubting why Im at this university...in this program...I'll feel insecure about who I am...doubting God's promises for me, feel very introverted...like i want to hide away from the world, feel the weight of my sinful nature and jus have this really crappy moody feeling. Whats wrong with me? Aiii...I feel like I'm like that for everything. At work...one day I'll be like the best employee ever..the next...i'll be so lazy and unmotivated. Man i need consistancy! I really gotta focus on devotions more. This is the thing that'll keep me on track...re-align myself w/ my creator....man I understand ups and downs in the Christian walk...but like...varying daily?! Maybe thats just the way I am....
My heart still pains from the past. Its nearly been 2 years since my heart was crushed and it still seems like Im still picking up the pieces. Everyone tells me it takes time....and I guess they're right...in due time...things just fade away and are forgotten. Too bad I have a very good memory when it comes to these things. I can't even decifer what I'm feeling right now. A bit of anger...fustration...jealousy...bitterness....saddness....guilt...insecurity....you name it. I wish I was stronger...more secure...less emotional...aiii...i wish so bad. People dont understand how it still affects me now...that the news of that someone liking another person can still hurt so much. I can't give them an answer...I wish things were different....but they're not....and by asking why this happend is saying that I can run this world better than God can. It was the first time I truly opened myself up to someone...and well i guess it was the first time I felt rejection...felt the sting of being let go. Man I tried so hard...gave it my all....sounds cheesy...but it was true. As a guy its a tough pill to swollow; that your best wasnt good enough. And thats why I take all those "boys are stupid throw rocks at them" goods so personally cuz it hurts me. Its like thats what I get for trying my hardest...for giving my heart. I get "boys are stupid"....gee thanks. All girls have these "dreams or visions" of what the true ideal guy is..."the one"...."their love"...with all these standards attached to them...I understand girls being insecure abt themselves b/c of the label media puts on woman...and well thats out of my control...but for guys...man the burden to meet all these standards is so heavy. Im just human! You know what u'll get?...my best...thats all I can guarentee you...but i guess it doesnt seem to be enough...
My heart still pains from the past. Its nearly been 2 years since my heart was crushed and it still seems like Im still picking up the pieces. Everyone tells me it takes time....and I guess they're right...in due time...things just fade away and are forgotten. Too bad I have a very good memory when it comes to these things. I can't even decifer what I'm feeling right now. A bit of anger...fustration...jealousy...bitterness....saddness....guilt...insecurity....you name it. I wish I was stronger...more secure...less emotional...aiii...i wish so bad. People dont understand how it still affects me now...that the news of that someone liking another person can still hurt so much. I can't give them an answer...I wish things were different....but they're not....and by asking why this happend is saying that I can run this world better than God can. It was the first time I truly opened myself up to someone...and well i guess it was the first time I felt rejection...felt the sting of being let go. Man I tried so hard...gave it my all....sounds cheesy...but it was true. As a guy its a tough pill to swollow; that your best wasnt good enough. And thats why I take all those "boys are stupid throw rocks at them" goods so personally cuz it hurts me. Its like thats what I get for trying my hardest...for giving my heart. I get "boys are stupid"....gee thanks. All girls have these "dreams or visions" of what the true ideal guy is..."the one"...."their love"...with all these standards attached to them...I understand girls being insecure abt themselves b/c of the label media puts on woman...and well thats out of my control...but for guys...man the burden to meet all these standards is so heavy. Im just human! You know what u'll get?...my best...thats all I can guarentee you...but i guess it doesnt seem to be enough...
Thursday, January 13, 2005
aiiii....
I finally have my schedule done. I changed it again last night at like 9 pm at someones house. Squeezed into the last spot of the class....how sad. Geography wasnt as bad as I thought...prof was somewhat humourous...though my friend said that his midterms are killer...ughhh....thast the least of my concerns....i want to take things that are interesting to ME and beneficial to ME....I am after all paying for it. Anyway...im closing this topic down now..haha
First time to the gym in like 4 weeks...man...its like starting from scratch again..hah. Felt like such a noob....LOL. Yea really tired and thirsty...man im so out of it. Its gonna take a lot to get back into shape for the dboat season...im actually doubting if I can make a positive impact on my team this year...last year...I BARELY held my own....so i gotta step it up...but like my body is not responding...ive been stuck at the same weights since late summer....sucks! Hopefully I can muster up enough determination to stick w/ it despite the "small gains".
Mannn....im sooo annoyed w/ whats goin on w/ my laptop. I thought I picked up the perfect laptop for such an awesome price...and well the laptop is awesome....but I made some dumb mistakes. First off....i should've gotten built in wireless....this lack of an option has screwed me over. Because of this....I went to a supposed auth ibm place to get the card installed....instead he jus screwed up my laptop. Acutally theres not wrong w/ it....its all visual...but it still pisses me off. screws are missing...coverings are gone...the keyboard is not in properly!...geez! *breathes* And u kno what....the card didnt work...so it was all for nothing. And jus recently I realized that the bottom of the screen was warped....so im gonna have that checked out...but ibm might find it fishy that screws are missing...so i dunno...kinda concerned abt that. One thing i gotta do is step back and realize this is just a machine...a material good....yes it was a big investment for me...so i'd like it to be in good working order....but I gotta again remember...its not my money....its God's...everything I supposedly possess is God's...im jus a steward of His wealth...I need to realize that.
First time to the gym in like 4 weeks...man...its like starting from scratch again..hah. Felt like such a noob....LOL. Yea really tired and thirsty...man im so out of it. Its gonna take a lot to get back into shape for the dboat season...im actually doubting if I can make a positive impact on my team this year...last year...I BARELY held my own....so i gotta step it up...but like my body is not responding...ive been stuck at the same weights since late summer....sucks! Hopefully I can muster up enough determination to stick w/ it despite the "small gains".
Mannn....im sooo annoyed w/ whats goin on w/ my laptop. I thought I picked up the perfect laptop for such an awesome price...and well the laptop is awesome....but I made some dumb mistakes. First off....i should've gotten built in wireless....this lack of an option has screwed me over. Because of this....I went to a supposed auth ibm place to get the card installed....instead he jus screwed up my laptop. Acutally theres not wrong w/ it....its all visual...but it still pisses me off. screws are missing...coverings are gone...the keyboard is not in properly!...geez! *breathes* And u kno what....the card didnt work...so it was all for nothing. And jus recently I realized that the bottom of the screen was warped....so im gonna have that checked out...but ibm might find it fishy that screws are missing...so i dunno...kinda concerned abt that. One thing i gotta do is step back and realize this is just a machine...a material good....yes it was a big investment for me...so i'd like it to be in good working order....but I gotta again remember...its not my money....its God's...everything I supposedly possess is God's...im jus a steward of His wealth...I need to realize that.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
first day
Well its the end of my first day of "classes"...its been a rough day...a tough start to the semester. I want to scream and yell at this university and myself. Man...i had 3 courses still on my time table as of 11:30 pm. Now I have 5 finally....am i happy?...not really. I took 2 courses that I really dont want to take...kinda forced myself to...last of the last choices...i feel like im throwing my money and time away. Geez man...every freakin course is either full or restricted. Did I not pay to be in this university to take courses?...or am i just here to roam around like a retard?! Aiiii....sometimes I wish I didnt go to guelph...like man...looking at the coop positions....experiencing all these bad profs....crappy course selections....bad facilities and dealing w/ not being able to fill out my schedule just piss me off. I look at the postings and just don't feel in anyway that this university has prepared me with enough knowledge to even take these jobs.....
I always doubt...doubt why I'm here...why im studying what im studying....its rather sad....i need to shake up the way i think. I need to realize my security does not lie in the world. I need to live by His grace everyday...realizing that I will make mistakes...and when I do...I am not alone. I guess making the decision to come here...choosing all the wrong courses first year...has made me very paranoid in making another wrong decision. So right now I'm over analyzing everything in hopes I can control the outcome....fact of the matter is....I CANT. I need to realize no matter how much I try to prep or control the odds....its not up to me. I guess I'm trying to live a life w/ no mistakes....impossible. I need to develop the faith that when I do make those mistakes....God will see me through it....and that He'll use that situation to build me up and bring glory to His name...cuz thats all that matters....
I always doubt...doubt why I'm here...why im studying what im studying....its rather sad....i need to shake up the way i think. I need to realize my security does not lie in the world. I need to live by His grace everyday...realizing that I will make mistakes...and when I do...I am not alone. I guess making the decision to come here...choosing all the wrong courses first year...has made me very paranoid in making another wrong decision. So right now I'm over analyzing everything in hopes I can control the outcome....fact of the matter is....I CANT. I need to realize no matter how much I try to prep or control the odds....its not up to me. I guess I'm trying to live a life w/ no mistakes....impossible. I need to develop the faith that when I do make those mistakes....God will see me through it....and that He'll use that situation to build me up and bring glory to His name...cuz thats all that matters....
Sunday, January 09, 2005
back in Guelph
Well this marks the end of my winter break. I've just finished unpacking and now im settling in. I still need to resolve certain time table conflicts...arghh. I'm a little sad right now...i guess its cuz im away from home, family and friends...ppl i've seen nearly everyday for the past 3 weeks. Give me a couple of days and Guelph will feel like home again ;)
The co-op application process has begun and I guess I'm feeling kinda insecure about that. I see the jobs posted and well I dont know if I'll like them...but more importantly...can I even impress the employers enough to give me a chance? There are soo many co-op commerce students...what do I have over them? This is definately a thing I need to commit to prayer...not so that I can get the best job or whatever...but more so to help me realize that this job is for HIM not for me. As much as i want to believe that its for my sake....money...experience...networking....I need to realize everything on this earth is not mine...it was never mine from the start. All the money I make is His....the experience I gain....is for His purpose and desires for me. So i guess I need to learn to surrender here. I need to trust that if things don't go "right" in MY EYES...that He's still in control. Scared...yes..
The co-op application process has begun and I guess I'm feeling kinda insecure about that. I see the jobs posted and well I dont know if I'll like them...but more importantly...can I even impress the employers enough to give me a chance? There are soo many co-op commerce students...what do I have over them? This is definately a thing I need to commit to prayer...not so that I can get the best job or whatever...but more so to help me realize that this job is for HIM not for me. As much as i want to believe that its for my sake....money...experience...networking....I need to realize everything on this earth is not mine...it was never mine from the start. All the money I make is His....the experience I gain....is for His purpose and desires for me. So i guess I need to learn to surrender here. I need to trust that if things don't go "right" in MY EYES...that He's still in control. Scared...yes..
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Winter Break
Well for me winter break is winding down now and I'm sadden not w/ the thought of returning to school (ok...that was sort of a lie), but more so in the fact that I haven't accomplished anything significant over the break. During exam week, I had in mind a lot of quiet time...prayer time...reflection for the new year....on school....the guelph fellowship...and the next steps I needed to take in my walk. However, the break has been anything but that. I've actually been working at the hospital more than I had hoped for =P I called in asking if they needed help and thought maybe a couple of shifts could help pay for some gifts..hehe...but i ended up working like 6/7 days last week. So yea...yesterday was my last day...cuz i took the rest of the week off...i figured i needed a break from school and work...hah.
So anyway, this break has just been busy busy. Because of the fact that I worked so much and became tired...i guess i was kinda selfish w/ my time. Anytime I had off I'd go hang out w/ friends....mj...shopping...or jus chilling...and that made me more tired. I realized that i didnt give myself....or rather God the time that He was due. This lack of time spent w/ God has been evident in my daily walk. I've realized that I've strayed from the vine....
God has none the less shown me something. It was during boxing day....I was futureshop waiting in line in the cold at like 6 am....geez looking back on it now it seems so dumb. But yea...i looked around and saw all these ppl freezing their butts off waiting in line. Then when the doors open theres a mad scramble for "cheap" items. People are pushing, shoving, yelling....courtesy has gone out the window. And then I realized what ppl are willing to do just to save a couple of bucks. How much worth and value do we put into these goods? Aiiii.....im jus a materialist...I find it kinda ironic to see the Tsunami hit during this time of the year. I think God's trying to all tell us something. While in North America we're stressing over trying to find the "perfect deals" and going through all this trouble to obtain more material wealth....ppl on the other side of the world are dealing w/ devestation....death and dustruction. How isolated and blind I have become. There is a world outside my own.....
So anyway, this break has just been busy busy. Because of the fact that I worked so much and became tired...i guess i was kinda selfish w/ my time. Anytime I had off I'd go hang out w/ friends....mj...shopping...or jus chilling...and that made me more tired. I realized that i didnt give myself....or rather God the time that He was due. This lack of time spent w/ God has been evident in my daily walk. I've realized that I've strayed from the vine....
God has none the less shown me something. It was during boxing day....I was futureshop waiting in line in the cold at like 6 am....geez looking back on it now it seems so dumb. But yea...i looked around and saw all these ppl freezing their butts off waiting in line. Then when the doors open theres a mad scramble for "cheap" items. People are pushing, shoving, yelling....courtesy has gone out the window. And then I realized what ppl are willing to do just to save a couple of bucks. How much worth and value do we put into these goods? Aiiii.....im jus a materialist...I find it kinda ironic to see the Tsunami hit during this time of the year. I think God's trying to all tell us something. While in North America we're stressing over trying to find the "perfect deals" and going through all this trouble to obtain more material wealth....ppl on the other side of the world are dealing w/ devestation....death and dustruction. How isolated and blind I have become. There is a world outside my own.....
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