the choices we make

Man..down in the dumps. Just finished all my coverletter writing for last night. Already got rejected from 2 positions....hows that for a deflator. One of them was a great job too...BMO. On top of that my friend got an interview and he sent me his coverletter and the first sentence had a grammatical error in it. Plus it was so "laxly" put together it seems....mannn....I honestly feel like I wont get a job. From all this my confidence has really taken a beating today. On top of that...1 person shows up to my small group today...I know 2 other ppl had circumstances....but man...what ironic timing.....what am I doing wrong?....I feel like such a failure....like im not leading this group properly.....no one seems motivated to come.....aiiiii

You know today I really was thinking about how things would be different if I went to Laurier. People that are close to me know that it always seems to be on my mind...but like....today I was practically dreaming. I guess it was triggered by all the circumstances that were happening in my life.....the struggles w/ my co-op jobs (and the realization that co-op in guelph aint that great), the fact that I'm not learning anything in my courses (ppl say its all about attititude...but for the past 2 years I've tried really hard...its not like i've given up and said screw it...i've put time and effort into the courses i've taken to really really try to learn...I feel my marks so that...but knowledge wise...its not really there) and finally I guess its been dragged on for a long time...but sometimes i feel like me and stace would still be good friends if I went to laurier. I wouldnt be in her face so much that'd I'd be a hinderence to her. Oh how I wish soooo much I could change some of my past decisions. I feel like I've made sooo many mistakes already....I honestly feel like I've dug myself in a hole coming to guelph...that my future is shaky cuz of this decision. Co-op is really weighing me down...like its become such a burden. I want a good job sooooooo bad...that I feel like God wont give it to me....cuz I want it that bad. I dunno why I have that mentality. I guess im scared...fustrated...worried...and angry all at once.