Well its the end of my first day of "classes"...its been a rough day...a tough start to the semester. I want to scream and yell at this university and myself. Man...i had 3 courses still on my time table as of 11:30 pm. Now I have 5 finally....am i happy?...not really. I took 2 courses that I really dont want to take...kinda forced myself to...last of the last choices...i feel like im throwing my money and time away. Geez man...every freakin course is either full or restricted. Did I not pay to be in this university to take courses?...or am i just here to roam around like a retard?! Aiiii....sometimes I wish I didnt go to guelph...like man...looking at the coop positions....experiencing all these bad profs....crappy course selections....bad facilities and dealing w/ not being able to fill out my schedule just piss me off. I look at the postings and just don't feel in anyway that this university has prepared me with enough knowledge to even take these jobs.....
I always doubt...doubt why I'm here...why im studying what im studying....its rather sad....i need to shake up the way i think. I need to realize my security does not lie in the world. I need to live by His grace everyday...realizing that I will make mistakes...and when I do...I am not alone. I guess making the decision to come here...choosing all the wrong courses first year...has made me very paranoid in making another wrong decision. So right now I'm over analyzing everything in hopes I can control the outcome....fact of the matter is....I CANT. I need to realize no matter how much I try to prep or control the odds....its not up to me. I guess I'm trying to live a life w/ no mistakes....impossible. I need to develop the faith that when I do make those mistakes....God will see me through it....and that He'll use that situation to build me up and bring glory to His name...cuz thats all that matters....
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