waste

So its been close to a month and a half that I've been off school and I've done squat. This is quite depressing to think about. I literally waste my days away doing nothing. My time mgmt has gone out the window cause I have no schedule to follow and keep me focused. Man...such a waste. God what are you trying to teach me?? I've done my best trying to find a job...so at least I can do something productive....i didnt want to complicate things w/ summer courses considering my transfer process is up in the air....so what? I'd love to travel...but considering the fact I have no job...thats quite unfeasible. Its kinda late to join a missions trip...but not only that...i think my reasoning is quite sad....to fill up my time and give me something to do......that aint right. Softball and dboat has given me something to do...but they all centre around the weekend...during the weekdays its very slow going. Volunteer? Well that too takes an application process...haha....Its like Im not even good enough to do stuff for free. I thought this summer was gonna be exciting...but I guess not. All the ppl close to be are going to be away/busy; Brent China, Cam China, Belinda China/HK, Terry also is now probably going to HK/Jap, Stace workin, Vince workin, Alf school, Sam teaching, Phil school etc etc...the list goes on....Im happy they all have stuff to do...but that leaves me very alone. Makes me feel like exciting things are happening to everyone but me. What did I do wrong?!....I could've nailed a job at like sports chek or sth...but i didnt apply cause of Co-op...but now thats goin south.


Man Im scared and fustrated. I've had a lot of experiences where I've made a decision w/ a certain outcome in mind, and my mind kinda mentally prepared for that outcome...unconsciously. then when the alternative arose....I was kinda shocked and sent reeling. I fear w/ my uni applicatin the same thing is gonna happen. I dont think me right now desiring to go to Laurier and expecting to be there is a wrong thing. But im scared im still gonna get burned for it. Its emotionally tolling to try and not commit to any senario...and stay in the middle...trying to visualize yourself in September in 2 places. So how do I prep? What should I do in the mean time? UGHHH....Lord sustain me...cause right now I feel like Im gonna crumble...