not meant to be..

Well last week i had my first interview...yea its quite sad. I was still releaved tho that I actually got one...i guess at least thats a step in the right direction. I look back on it...and i wished I could do it all over again. As much as I preped for the interview I still "choked". I dont think i did enough to sell myself and show them that I really wanted to be apart of their team. I came into the place w/ a suit and guy was very casually dressed and asked to go to coffee time. I think that was the first thing that caught me off guard. Secondly, the place operated out of the owners apartment. I've seen places like this before...but that too made me kinda feel like maybe this isnt what I thought it was gonna be. I think the casual interview and low key work environment made me reconsider if i actually wanted to work there. Man thats pride for you. Its a good learning experience for me for sure. I shouldnt let environment, pay or general outward appearance push me away from a job. Its all about the ppl that you work w/ and the projects you undertake. Working on bay st in some financial firm isnt all that its cracked up to be. So what im trying to say is I guess I let my pride get the better of me....i felt like i deserved better, when really...its exactly the environment I needed to "exist" in. So I havent received a phone call yet...which means most likely that I didnt get it. Not surprised...I KNOW I couldve done a better job. Overall this co-op process has been a very humbling experience. A lot of my friends have good jobs w/ big companies...and I guess i want to just jump right into that picture...but I realize thats not my life...they have theirs...I have mine. My path and my being is unique to anyone. God has indeed taught me a lot during the lows of this co-op processes. If i have to start low...i gotta start low. If i to start unpaid...thats the way its gotta be. The funny thing is....as I pondered over the job after my interview I started to realize how good of an opportunity it was...and I began really hoping for the job...haha. So now I guess you can say im kinda disappointed. Its my fault tho..and God is defintely teaching me a lesson.

Lord help me to realize at the end of the day, through thick and thin that You alone are still running my life. Cultivate in me a character that cries out "Yes Lord, here I am, send me!" Lord forgive me for my pride and selfishness. Help me to see past myself...knowing full well that it is indeed unthinkable and unimaginable to dine at your table. As my future is still clouded...outcomes still hang in the air..help me to lean into You...and be obedient.