Words are not enough

Its been a long time since I've posted. In fact it seems like a long time since I've done good in God's eyes. I have wandered from the path, talking the talking but walking in darkness. Words are not enough. I realize that Im on a spiritual down turn right now...i've been in the valley for quite a while. I've tried to will myself out of it....fight myself out of it...ask ppl to pull me out of it...but it was all in vain. I always told myself that I wouldnt fall into "spiritual coldness"...that I would find some way to get out...that going to a prayer and praise nights would solve that....that hearing some amazing speaker like Ravi Zacharias speak would solve that...that watching 722 would solve that....but it doesnt....because words are not enough. Everytime I think i've hit my lowest I go lower. I've never been in this state before so I admit I'm kinda lost. Not saying that I havent had struggles....but this is the time where I feel the most the burden of spiritual warfare. I've gone through this "warfare" state before...but this has been the most burdening yet. I can feel the lies and deceptions of satan creeeping up on me continuously...his lies posioning my mind and heart. I am more insecure than most...but it seems over this time...that insecurity...that unsureness....that shakiness in me has been magnified. The devil knows my weaknesses and is prying at them now. Words are not enough. Having said all that I also realize that this should be kinda a normal phase in the Christian walk. There is a law of undulation in the Christian walk. There will be high times and low times...thats a given...and its not bad to experience that. I guess what i do now will truly exemplify what I believe in..what I follow. Will I stop running this race? Its not the fact that Im in the valley now...and how I got there....its what am I going to do while I'm in there. I am experiencing silence from God right now...is that bad? I dont think so...though its not particularly good either. In God's silence to me He is trying to show me what I have lost....silence before Him. I have lost that awe and reverence for Him. This coming from a person who ppl know as one that ALWAYS talks about believers overlooking the majesty God requres...how ironic. Words are not enough.

Lord forgive me for my many words for sometimes I think I will be heard because of them...but You alone know what I need before I even pray. You alone know my heart better than anyone. You alone are my perfect fit...my perfect match. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty." (Is 6:5).

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" (2 Corin 4:8-9)

Thank you father for you amazing grace...your amazing love...for Your faith and dedication to your people.