Hating...

*sigh*...i really hating the person I am becoming or have become. Its like I cant even remember the last time when I was filled w/ joy and happiness. For the longest time I've been this depressed, sad, "hang my head as low as I can" person. I'm so sick of everything....school...my program...people that say they care but really dont....LIFE. I feel miserable and I just cant pick myself up. I dont want to live like this...I dont want to continue on dragging myself through life being hindered by baggage I shouldnt have to carry. You know, it sucks to give ur heart to someone and have then just step on it like it wasnt even there...it sucks to know that the university that you SHOULD'VE choosen is really learning stuff and has good profs and admins running the school while the place you ENDED UP choosing is crap...it sucks to have to endure a program that I thought was good...but am getting nothing out of...it sucks to see other ppl getting interviews and jobs while I'm here writing my blog like a loser. For those of you who see me like this and wonder why or think "why is he always down?" Well you dont kno what it is like to be alone...to have ppl that dont understand you. to fight battles that no one can help you w/. You know I really do want to see who God truly wants me to be but I cant....I honestly cant....all I see is failure and short comings. Its who I am.