life interrupted

I guess i realized how tightly I have held onto my life. Surrender to me has just been a "christianse" term and nothing more. I guess now God is keeping me accountable for all that I've said. I honestly have a feeling that i wont get a job this coming workterm. I guess I want it too badly...I have dreams I want to fulfil in life...that are mine...and not God's. I have fallen into the pit of complacency and comfort. Thats all I long for in life right now. To be comfortable and have fun. Over the summer I truly wished to get a good paying job...a 9-5 office job. Live at home...and commit a lot of my time to dragonboat, golf and friends....hahah. I look at all my peers around me getting jobs and I long for that comfort of a secure "future". I want to obtain finances over the summer to be able to pay for my tuition apart from my parents...take the burden away from them. But now...things seem different. I honestly feel like I wont get a job...I dunno why....I think God's trying to teach me something. *sigh* As much as I want the lifes of the ppl around me....I realize that I'm not them...For the first time in my life my future is totally uncertain. Not only am I uncertain on where or what I'll be doing in the summer but also in the fall too. I was suppose to go on an 8 month work term...till winter semester. Now I dunno if i should come back in the fall to do schooling to catch up on some courses cause I want to switch programs (another uncertainty) or apply for a job then. Then theres the issue of living...most ppl are finding or have found places to live in for next yr. I didnt look cause I was fully expecting to be on coop in the fall. Lastly theres the uncertainty of income. Ah well...this is the way life is suppose to be i guess eh? God never promised a lighted pathway....only a lamp at my feet....so that I know where my next step is...thats it. I think this is a big life interruption for me. A big shake up....shaking me out of the dreams that I had for my life. But i guess this life was never mine anyway. I guess this is an opportunity to life out my faith now...in TRUE surrender.